“What is your name?”
I had difficulty answering that question for a long time.

My parents divorced when I was 12 years old.

Back in 1994, divorce in Japan was not so common among middle-class families. In my class, I was the only child from divorced parents.

In any case, my parents’ separation was not really a surprise to me. They had been distant, cold and indifferent towards each other for a long time. I cannot remember them ever showing any affection towards one another. They would quarrel all the time. Growing up, I thought my father was an evil guy who would always let my mom down (or perhaps my mom made me believe so). Mom took custody of me and my younger sister.

A couple of years after the split, my father remarried and had a child with his new partner. Soon after that, he stopped paying child support for us. That made me dislike my father even more. I felt like he was abandoning us. And I would rarely see my father since then. 

When I turned 18, I decided to change my last name from my father’s last name ‘Watanabe’ to my mom’s maiden name, ‘Kamino’. I couldn’t stand keeping my father’s name as a part of my identity any longer. 

It was, in a sense, a way of telling my father that he was no longer part of my life, no longer family.

I did all the legal paperwork and adopted a new identity. It was liberating. I felt like I was born again.

Yet, for many years after, I struggled with low self-esteem. And predictably, I entered into some toxic relationships.

As the years passed, I came to realize that my father was not totally evil. And my mother was not totally without fault. Up to my mid-thirties, I resented my parents quite a lot.

But living in New York and Sydney influenced my view of what a family ought to look like. That made me think about what I can do to turn my childhood strife into something constructive to forgive my parents, embrace who I am and genuinely love someone.

At some point, I realized that my name still held a grudge, resentment and denouncement.

But it seemed impractical to change my legal name again for such a personal sentiment. It also didn’t feel right to overturn the choice I have made because that course of decision was also a part of my life. 

So I came up with a compromise. I hyphenated both my parents’ last names – which is now on my business card and professional portfolio.

In Japan, people still get caught off-guard when they see my business card. I could see them wondering if I am married or divorced. I explain to them that I haven’t been either, and my intention is to acknowledge both of my parents who are divorced. 

I feel right about having both of my parent’s family identities represent who I am. Two people brought me into this life. Two people worked hard and tried their best. I am now embracing both lineages and the values once collided and made me stronger.

So my name is Chiyo Watanabe-Kamino. Nice to meet you.