My mom became a single parent when I was 12 and my sister was 7.

I have no idea how she managed to raise the two of us by herself. In the mid-1990s, divorce was not so common in Japan compared to the United States or some European countries (Single-parented households comprised less than 4% of the total households with children). Social stigma was much stronger than today’s and there were not many full-time jobs for women over 30 with kids. In my class, I was the only kid from a divorced couple.

But in my sister’s class, there was one other single-parented kid. Her name was Kaori. As Kaori’s house was located close to ours, she and my sister had played together once or twice. But one day I heard a rumour about Kaori at school. People said she had a “problem”. I don’t remember what it was exactly. It was something like she beat other kids or stole her classmates’ stuff. Regardless it was true or not the gossip was convincing. This was because Kaori looked poor even to the eyes of an 12-year-old. She was very skinny. Her T-shirts was frayed and discoloured, and her hair looked unkempt. 

I told my sister not to play with Kaori anymore. My sister asked why, but I couldn’t really explain the reasons to her. I just said that Kaori was a bad girl. I knew what I was doing was not right, but I didn’t know anything else to do to prevent my sister from being involved in bad behaviours.  

It happened one of those nights. I was watching TV with my sister after dinner. It was probably 8 or 9 pm. Mom was washing dishes. Somebody rang our doorbell.

“Who is it?” Mom went outside. My sister and I kept watching TV. Mom was talking with someone. Then she came back to the living room, grabbed her purse and went outside again. Soon after she closed the front door and came back.

“Who was it?” I asked.

“Oh, it was Kaori’s mother.” She said.

“Kaori’s mom? What’s up? Did anything happen to Kaori?” I was surprised.  

“No.” Mom answered briefly.

“Then what’s the matter?” I asked. Kaori’s mom and my mom were not so close. They just had known each other from class meetings and such. I was puzzled what business she had with mom.

“It’s nothing. You don’t have to worry about it.”

“No, you are hiding something. It’s strange that Kaori’s mom suddenly visits us such late at night.” I persisted.

“Okay,” Mom sighed. “She asked me to lend her some money.”

“What?” I was shocked. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask her. She said she just needed it urgently.”

“Surely you didn’t lend her any money.” I was already upset with the audacity of Kaori’s mom.

“I did.” Mom said as if it was nothing. I got really upset. 

“Mom? Are you insane? You must have heard what they say about Kaori at school! That family has problems. They’re never gonna return the money!”

“So what? It’s my money. You don’t have to worry about it.” Mom said firmly.

“But mom, you work so hard and we always try to save every penny.” I was about to cry because I knew she has been working her fingers to the bone just to make ends meet.

“It was just 5000 yen. Not a fortune.” Mom tried to calm me down.

“But still, if we had that money we could have gone for dinner somewhere. Or get new clothes.” I remembered the laundry which I was folding the previous day. There was a hole in my mom’s underwear. She hasn’t bought any new clothes for herself for a long time.

“Look, Chiyo. I’m glad that you care about the family budget and try to be pennywise. And yes, I won’t encourage you to lend money to someone you don’t know well. But imagine you are in a situation where you have to ask money from someone you don’t know well. For only 5000 yen. Imagine how embarrassing it was for her to do that. And it was getting late. If I had said no to her, she would have had to go somewhere else to ask. Surely we are not rolling in dough but we still could spare that much. So why not help someone who is in more need?”

I didn’t know what to say. I was still simmering as I believed that she has been too naive. But I couldn’t blame her. After all, it seemed useless to argue over money which has already gone.

I felt sad and resentful about our circumstances which put us on such plight. I hated poor, and to me, shameless people. But I also cursed rich people who did not realize how hard it was to be a single parent. And most of all, I hated myself not being able to change the situation we were in. It clearly affected my self-esteem. Not knowing how to deal with my emotions, I just hugged her. She hugged me back tightly.

“I’m sorry that I’m making you worry about money.” Mom said softly.

For the record, the money was returned a week later. And I told my sister that she may play with Kaori when she saw Kaori being by herself.

25 years later, I’m still like Scrooge. I find it difficult to part with money. I’m writing this so I may follow my mom’s example and be more charitable in the years to come.