“You only live once”, people say. But that phrase really got me when I was traveling in Vietnam.

It was back in 2003. I was traveling the Southeast Asia by myself, and I joined a local tour to go to Mekong Delta.

I don’t remember where it exactly was. It was back in the day way before Google Map. The tour bus took me to somewhere outskirt of Ho Chi Minh.

We took a boat, had a lunch, and visited a coconut candy factory. After watching the demonstration of candy making, I was killing some time while other people were purchasing some souvenirs.

I was looking at the sky. As a monsoon has passed just a few minutes ago, there was a mixture of grey cloud and a glimmer of sunlight.

There was a yard in front of that factory. Some hens were flocking over a feed box. A dog with a rashed skin was lying on the ground, only moving his tail on and off. A naked toddler came out from one of the sheds and walked toward the yard.

I was trying to imagine how my life would have been if I had been born there. I couldn’t picture myself. Even though I was thoroughly enjoying my first solo trip outside Japan, I knew I would eventually be going back to Tokyo, to my student life, to the society I belong to.

Then, the reality hit me: I realized that I might not be coming back to this place ever again in my life. Ever.

I was struck by that idea. Until then, I knew my life is finite but it hardly came in to my consciousness because I thought I had a plenty of time ahead and I could go anywhere.

Of course, I would be able to come back if I REALLY want to. But I also knew that I would be traveling somewhere else if I had a chance. Not that I didn’t want to come back to Vietnam, but there are so many other places I would like to travel.

It made me feel impatient. I feared that I might not be able to visit the places I wanted to see. I feared that my life may end anytime soon and I might not be able to do things I was aspiring to. I looked at the toddler, hens and a dog and thought to myself; I will remember this moment. I may not come back here but I will revisit this feeling from time to time.