I used to have terrible period cramps when I was a teenager. 

When the time of the month approached, I would feel my body starting to bloat. And then I would get the heaviness and gruelling pain in my lower back and abdomen. I would often get anemia and feel so nauseous that I couldn’t even stand up. Sitting on a cold hard surface like a school chair was torture. An hour-long class seemed forever. Ibuprofen didn’t help much even though I was taking the maximum dosage. 

The school infirmary was my only refuge. I didn’t go there every month though. Usually I tried to stay in class as long as I could because I didn’t want my classmates to know that I was having my period or trying to skip class with some faked sicknesses.

But when I reached the point where I felt I was about to faint, I would stagger to the infirmary and ask the school doctor to let me rest a little while. As she knew that I had such a chronic condition she always allowed me to rest in bed without asking questions. I would snuggle into the bed and have some sleep for an hour or so. It felt like a safe haven from the cruel world where I had to confront boys being mean or harsh PE teachers who thought I was just being lethargic.

After a nap, the pain usually was far more bearable. Then I would start to feel guilty, wondering if I could have stayed in class. Wasn’t I lazy to come over here? I didn’t like going back to the classroom. Girls were generally sympathetic but boys sometimes said nasty things to me. 

“I don’t like my body.” I complained to the school doctor one day. “Having a period is so inconvenient. Having to endure this pain and I don’t even want to have a baby now.”

She laughed.

“Yeah, I understand that. Sorry but all I can do is to offer you some nap time.”

“My classmates would think I’m just being lazy.”

“No, you are not. You tried to stay in class as much as possible, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but no other girls in my class get cramps this bad.”

“Maybe in your class yes, but…”

At that moment a girl came out of another bed. I recognized her face but couldn’t remember her name.

“Thank you, doctor. I’m going home.” She said without looking at me.

“Okay, take care.”

After she left the room, the doctor said to me.

“You know her, right?”

I remembered that she was one of the students who had stopped coming to class. I didn’t even know that she was still coming to school.

“She doesn’t attend classes for the time being. She wants to stay here and I let her do so. Do you think she is lazy?”

She looked at me in the eye. I thought about it.

“No,” I said. “I think she must have some reasons for not coming to class.”

“Right,” she smiled. “We all know that everyone has a different body and different capabilities. My point is, you don’t have to feel guilty about being different from others. You don’t have to be ashamed of your body. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

I didn’t quite understand what she was trying to explain, but I nodded.

“Maybe I should have a lot of kids when I grow up. Otherwise it makes no sense to bear this much pain.” I said grumpily. 

She laughed again.

“Well, good luck with that. You don’t know how painful it is to have a baby.”