My essay received a prize at the 10th Osaka Advertising Essay Award. Below is an English translation of the original Japanese text. 

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This must be the most miserable face in New York City.

I sighed as I looked at my reflection in the subway window. My skin was dry, my eyes got dark circles below, the corners of my mouth were drooping down. My weariness was too obvious even with a thick knitted cap and a big scarf. I realized I could not recall when I last trimmed my eyebrows. Is this the urban life of a twenty-something woman living in the most fashionable city in the world? In addition, my coat got a stain as I was walking under one of those never-ending construction sites.

The train began to move. A boy entered the car started dancing to loud music from his stereo. It has been long since I got accustomed to those guerrilla performers. Street dancing, ethnic music, prayers or poems. They sing, dance, and express themselves as if they would die the moment they stop doing that.

New York is full of artists. Dancers, actors, artists… From opera singers to stand-up comedians to sand painters, everyone comes to this city dreaming of success. I am also one of them… or, at least I thought I was.

“I’m so stuck”, I sighed again. My long face was clearly showing frustration, insecurity and lack of self-esteem.

I have never imagined myself like this. Everything seemed to be going against me. Of course, I did not expect everything going perfectly well once I started my new life here as a foreign student. I was not that optimistic. I knew it would not be easy. However, reality hit me much harder than I anticipated.

America is a very competitive society. And New York is one of the most competitive cities in the country. And yet, my aspiration is to work in a theatre industry of Broadway which is like a mouse trying to steal a piece of meat from a huge lion’s den. No, I would not be even able to make an entrance of the den as I need to pass hyenas and bisons and elephants to get there.

“I want to create a great show.” – That was my motivation to come here two years ago. Two years. I have not achieved anything tangible yet. Anything. And I could not do anything productive today either. I spent all day to create new press kits at my internship firm, but they were all rejected by my boss. Although my visa will expire in a few months, they seem unlikely to hire me. Since I have not gotten any paid job here, my savings are getting scarcer day by day. Why am I doing this? I pondered my question, and I sighed again.

“This is absolutely useless!”

The comments my boss gave on my press kits seemed to apply to me as well.

The subway made a loud noise and stopped at my station. I got off the train among other passengers. The air in the platform was icy, suggesting biting cold weather outside. It was Friday 5pm, people seemed to be hanging out with friends at bars or having dinner with families. I walked fast to the exit so as not to see a smooching couple ahead of me.

At that moment, big letters on a wall caught my eyes.

“This is your life.”

That phrase came to me like a revelation for my current situation. I was stunned there as if someone put a mirror right in front of my face. That big advertisement was composed of just plain lettering, but it had a strong magnetism to capture one’s attention.

“This is your life. Do what you love, and do it often.
If you don’t like something, change it.
If you don’t like your job, quit.
If you don’t have enough time, stop watching TV.
If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.
Stop over-analysing, life is simple.
All emotions are beautiful.
When you eat, appreciate every last bite.
Open your heart, mind and arms to new things and people, we are united in our differences.
Ask the next person you see what their passion is and share your inspiring dream with them.
Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself.
Some opportunities only come once, seize them.
Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them, so go out and start creating.
Life is short. Live your dream and share your passion.”

The poster was as tall as me. As I was reading those words, I shivered. That shivering was not only because of the cold air.

The word “ignite” came to mind. Originally came from Latin, that word means “fire”. To set a fire. To light up. To spark. I imagined a flame in my heart.

“I want to work”, I felt a sudden urge. I want to create something really meaningful, I want to maximize the time of my life. I want to do what I want to do. To the fullest. I felt my temperature rose despite the frozen air. This is my life. Only one life. Just-one-time. That inspiration prompted me to share this feeling with someone. I want to impart, I want to tell someone that life is full of possibilities!

And then, I remembered the true reason why I came here. Tears came to my eyes. Coming to New York itself has been a big part of my aspiration. I wanted to pursue my dream. I knew life is a one-way street and opportunity never comes twice. Therefore, I decided to take a risk to make it happen, even if it went against my expectations. I am not having a setback. I have already come here. I am in the middle of the process to achieve my dream now.

I exhaled and headed to the exit. Steps covered by snowdrifts mixed with dirt were slippery. Cold air from the street bit my face. Thawed snow permeated into my socks through the seams of my boots. The street was entirely white, and the sky was gloomily dark as it has always been the last few months.

This is New York, I thought. The place I have dreamt of, the place I have been longing to come. The city with rats running, homeless people begging, and winter continues from November to April. The metropolis where millions of people from all over the world, aspire to come to pursue their dreams.

This is the city built by the people who came here, not by the people who inherited this. That is why this place is so energetic. The entire town stirs us to create something new. It inspires our willingness and desire to do something. In order to survive in this city, I have to keep asking myself who I really am and what I really want. Following somebody else’s trail is not an option. I have to make my own way. What really matters is what I do.

In Japan, where I was born and lived for 26 years, I did not need to think anything of the kind. All I had to do is to live as others did. Even when making some important decisions such as choosing a career or getting married, there are existing courses, ready-made options which most people have chosen before. So I did not have to worry about creating my own path.

Unlike Japan, I have to be original here in New York. How I shape my life is something I have to create from scratch. It is not something to be determined by others or to be picked up from ready-made options. A prerequisite for being an artist is to determine to live your own life, not a copy of someone else’s life. I knew it.

A cosmopolitan lifestyle, the world’s trend hub, creative people and an inspiring atmosphere… Such glamour is the essence of New York. If I were just visiting here for a few weeks, it would certainly serve to entertain my curiosity. But now I know something else about this city. This place also gives us dark, cold, filthy and disappointing days as a part of it. And those countless defeats are where the glamour actually comes from.

Days of continuous rejections, denials, and failures. Feeling of powerlessness. Disappointments, discouragements, setbacks, futile efforts, insecurities, and frustration…

And yet, people are still living here. Regardless. I think everyone in this city knows the word ‘regardless’ because it is a keyword that keeps people going forward.

And I thought of the copywriter of this ad. He or she must have experienced the same feeling I just had in the subway. Otherwise, he or she could not have written such copy. These words must have come from a heart that knows of hardship, sadness, and misery. These words must have been written to accept and to overcome one’s weakness. That is why this copy is so powerful. This is an anthem for the people who pursue their dreams.

From now on, I would not mind if my coat got stains, I assured myself. I would not care if my skin got rough or chapped. Whatever my high school mates do, that does not matter to me. Having a baby or making a million dollars is none of my business. It does not bother me whether my neighbour is a homeless or an investment banker. Because what I really should care about is whether I am doing what I love or not.

In order to do what I love, I will read 50 pages of the textbook tonight, check the vocabulary I don’t know, write a paper, and prepare for my presentation. My dream is to write a play which makes people happy. That is why I came here. I exhaled deeply and smiled. I realized the corners of my lips pointing up. I headed back home stepping the snow firmly.

It has been 5 years since I saw that ad. Now I organize events to connect people through the arts in Japan. It is not exactly in the theatre industry, or not even in New York, but its mission is still to inspire, to entertain, and to make people happy through the arts.

Every time I open my laptop, waiting in the wallpaper is the advertisement of HOLSTEE, which I saw at the subway station on a snowy day in 2010.

I still have dry skin, dark circles under my eyes, untrimmed eyebrows and never-ending deadlines for my work. But more often than not, I am smiling. Because I am happy. I am doing what I love. This is my life.